What is the secret?
Yesterday was my grandparents 67th wedding anniversary. They are really old now, and their minds are not what they once were so it’s nearly impossible to have an actual conversation with either of them, which makes me sad. I lived with them for a little while when I went to school in St. George, UT and I grew to realize just how chatty my grandma is. She would just talk and talk and talk about all sorts of things. Every now and then she’d nudge my grandpa for a response and he would come out of his self-induced trance and give a generic answer or a nod.
He told me he has a switch in his head that turns off the sound of her voice.
Maybe that is the secret to longevity.
Once, I asked my grandma what the secret was to staying happily married to one person for so many years is and she told me,
“Caffeine-Free Coke”
I have no idea what that means. And, I have given it a reasonable amount of thought. I still come up blank.
But, I thought it might be fun for anyone that has a little nugget of wisdom to share with everyone who reads this blog.
What is the best piece of marital advice you have to share?
I will go first.
Here it is…
(oh, and I’m just qualifiying this by telling you that when I actually put it into practice, it works like a charm, but I forget sometimes. Well, maybe forget is the wrong word. More like, choose to ignore the little angel on my shoulder…the devil on the other side has some pretty good arguments sometimes. 
)
Don’t discuss things you disagree about when emotionally charged. Wait till you’re calm.
I know my wisdom is not ground-breaking, but that’s harder than it sounds.
For me, at least.
7 comments
Wow, 67 years! That’s impressive. It’s sad that they are not mentally with it enough to understand and celebrate though
My advice … be KIND to each other. Kindness is #1, if you have that, most other things will follow.
First peice of advice is to get alone time on a regular basis; never stop dating. But, I must add if you don’t schedule it…it won’t happen. Second, Don’t forget to spoil each other making sure to choose the spoil tactic that THEY would enjoy most, speaking THEIR “love language”. Also, keeping open lines of communication and not going elsewhere to vent. If you have a beef with your spouse…your spouse is who you should tell.
Carl says the secret is being teachable and flexible so that you can grow together and not apart.
Oh, and Happy Anniversary Kelly’s Grandma and Grandpa. Way to GO! Rock on!
“If you didn’t have to do the task, you don’t get to complain about how it was done”. This was brought in to combat all of the stories you hear about people who complain about how their spouse sweeps the floor or folds the laundry. I repeat it over and over every time I’m searching through the cabinets for something after Michael has unloaded the dishwasher!!
I say forget about “not going to sleep mad at eachother”. I say go to sleep! You’ll both have a better perspective in the morning. Things look different in the light of day.
I wish I had a nugget, I’m still working on it, but I do like the kindness comment by Hannah. My vote is be Kind to one another.
Not that I qualify as one who can dole out advice, it’s only been 2.5 years, but I have learned some things.
Take time to notice and say thank you for the little things they do. They’re more apt to do it again (which is the goal, right?!). This piece of advice took me a bit, and I’m still working on it. At first I kept wondering why I should have to tell him thank you for putting the dishes away, hanging his clothes up etc. because I saw that as something that he should just DO as a member of the house. I didn’t expect a thank you every time I hung MY clothes up! Finally though, I tried it, and it makes it so much easier and they feel appreciated.
[...] Happy Thanksgiving! I doubt many will read this post today, because most of you will be with your families, or on your couches sleeping off the big meal, but I said I would be Thankful everyday till Thanksgiving, so here it is. I am thankful for good examples. I have many of these in my life. Starting with my parents. My Mom is a good example for me in many ways, but one in way in particular is that she showed me how to be a fun mom. When I was a kid, she would do the strangest things that absolutely delighted me as a child. I remember her loading my brother and I into the car and when we asked her where she was going, she’d say, “I don’t know. The magnetic force has taken over. I don’t know where we’re going. We’ll have to find out when we get there.” I remember being a little concerned that she wasn’t in control of the vehicle, but she didn’t seem worried, so I didn’t worry either. Especially when I realized that the magnetic force was taking us to Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream. Funny, but even though that’s where the magnetic force always took us, I was always surprised to get there. She was always doing stuff like that, and now that I am a mom, I try to follow that example. My Dad is a good example of a self-made man. He didn’t have many advantages when he was young, and I am proud of where he ended up. He does things for himself, and I know that is where I got my “I can do that!” way of thinking. He is generous, and kind, and wears his heart on his sleeve. You always know what he is feeling. My Grandpa is a good example for me also. I have written about him before. Here and here. He is the best. We were lucky to have him at our Thanksgiving dinner this year. Now that he is getting so old, his mind is not quite the same, and whenever he is speaking to a group of people, he forgets what he was supposed to be talking about, and slips into saying a prayer. It kind of makes me giggle to myself because it’s so cute. Today, as we went around the table saying what we are thankful for, the same thing happened. He busted out another blessing on the food. The funniest thing is to see the confusion of my kids. They look around at everyone kind of confused like, didn’t we do this part already? Tonight, though, as I was thinking about my Grandpa, I thought that even that funny quirk is a good example for me to follow. It makes me think that he must have spent a lot of time on his knees, or in prayer and now that he’s getting old, his mind just slips into a familiar pattern of speaking to God. I hope that when I’m old, I will have spent so much time praying that I fall into that comfortable way of speaking too. Finally, I am thankful for the example of my Savior. I don’t usually wax spritual on this blog, because it’s very personal, but of all the examples in my life. His is the most profoundly impactful on who I am today, and who I wish to be tomorrow. [...]
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