He just keeps getting older.
Dear Josh (Fish, Fishy, Fish taco, Fish face, Sharky, Tiger Shark, Francis, Frenchy, Francois, etc…)
Yesterday you turned 9. NINE! Nine years and two days ago, I was in a car on my way to the hospital, crying. Crying because I was afraid of giving birth, but mostly crying for fear of the unknown. I wasn’t qualified then to be a mother. (still don’t think I am, but that’s another story).
But here we are.
I have never experienced such a range of emotions in my life since becoming your mother, most especially the head-over-heels, adoring, love I feel for you.
I know that I expect too much of you almost all the time, but it’s only because I know how smart and capable you are. I sometimes worry that I am damaging our relationship because lately it feels like we argue too much. I hope you don’t remember those times as much as you remember the good things, like when we just sit on my bed and talk about everything.
That is my favorite thing about you at this age. You are so fun to just talk to. I love hearing about things you notice in friends at school, or about what interests you in books you read. I love hearing your observations of the world and answering your endless questions. You delight me.
Yesterday we had a birthday party for you and some of your friends. Before everyone arrived, you sat me down and made a few requests.
One: Could I please take down that picture of your little brother playing the piano naked. You said you didn’t want to be known as “the kid with naked pictures all over his house.”
Two: Can we please leave the radio in the car off on the way to the laser tag place. When I asked why, you said, “Because I’ve never been to a birthday where the mom has the radio blasting and sings and dances in the car.” Already, I’m embarrassing you! But, just for the record, I wouldn’t have done any singing or dancing in front of your friends.
I asked you if you’d like to pick out my outfit for me, and you rolled your eyes at me. You’re good at that. But, then you paused and said, “Well, wait… what are you wearing?”
Then it was my turn to roll my eyes.
Today, when I was taking these pictures of you, there was one point when I was looking closely at your face to check my camera’s focus, and I almost cried. Your face looked just like it did when you were three. There it was, right in front of me. The same red lips, the same arched eyebrows that are like little rainbows above your sparkly, blue eyes. I know we mothers always say this, but seriously… where is the time going?
I love you so much Joshua. I am so lucky to be your mom.
15 comments
He is such a precious gift. Thank you for bringing him to us. You had all the sacrifice and pain and such. I remember when you said, “I kind of wish there was a puppy in here? Well, he wasn’t a puppy, (you get to have those too) but he is such a blessing. I thank our Heavenly Father everyday for our wonderful family. Our children, our spouse children, and our grandchildren, even a couple of great-grandchildren. I have shown my V.T.’s the book you guys made for us to show them just how blessed we are. The picture up of Josh is so beautiful, those eyes are so gorgeous, yes, he’s growing up too fast, they all are. The other day, on the radio I heard, ” Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful Boy” my mind instantly went to Josh’s first year video. It was sweet to hear it again, but more sweet to remember some of his baby pictures asLennon sang. LM
that was very sweet. i’m all teary eyed now. wow, he really is a gorgeous kid.
these pictures are gorgeous, and it’s a beautiful post. i can’t believe wyatt will one day be NINE. that boggles my mind. he sounds like such a sweet kid!
also, just love that piano.
You have put such beautiful words to your feelings! He is so, SO HANDSOME! It sounds like you two have a wonderful relationship! Happy Birthday to Josh!
I know what you mean. My little boy is 14 and going to Stake Dances, and no longer is asking for help with his homework…okay so he hasn’t been doing that for a few years now. Journaling or blogging is exactly what you should be doing…it is like “canning” our memories to pop open when we need to remember a squishy, peanut butter faced, little boy.
Now that you’ve gotten me all teared up I must say that you have done an excellent job raising Fishy and I too, enjoy just listening to his comments and observations of things that are going on around him. He is such a precocious little guy, who is not so little any more. He is a delight and I love him dearly. We are truly blessed to have him as well as all of our awesome little grandchildren in our lives. Thank you to the Kelli’s for making him the kid he is.
P.S. I LOVE the picture by the piano. Could I please dubs a copy?
AWESOME! You’re a wonderful Mother to three beautiful boys. Boys can be beautiful, can’t they? I think they can. Seth was so excited for Josh’s Birthday. He spent his own money on his present and so wanted to pick the perfect thing for him. He had a great time hanging with his best play mate. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSH! Oh, and can’t forget this…As usual, those pictures are Priceless treasures. You are so good!
Look at his hands in that first picture! Those are man hands. It’s amazing to think how old he is. I love Josh more and more every time I see him. He is growing up to be an awesome guy! We had a lot of fun at the party too. Thanks for inviting us!
What beautiful pictures and what a beautiful tribute to him. He is such a good mix of both Kels.
Beautiful post Kelly! You are a fabulous mom and your clan of boys are so lucky to have you. This brought a tear to my eye.
Now I’m all misty! All three of your boys are so very lucky to have YOU as their mother!
My own firstborn son will be 7 in a month and you’re right — where does the time go?! How blessed I feel to be favored enough to be the mother of a boy, growing ever so slowly into a man. What a wonderful joy and what an amazing responsibility!
Happy Birthday to The Fish, and Happy Momday to you.
You have such a way with words. I love reading your thoughts. Josh is a handsome boy. I can completely understand how you feel, having a nine year old myself. Before we know it they will be teenagers. Heaven help us!
He is really such a deep thinker. What will the future hold for him? Everything! Beautifully said, beautifully done.
Happy late bday old chap.
Awwww! You made me cry! So incredibly sweet. Thank you so much for sharing your letter.
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